a big but

There are far greater life altering things that others experience; like Ellia, or L, or this sweet little guy. And those put this little, tiny life back into perspective.

So often, in all parts of life, I am really good at making my own plans for life and having great expectations for them. But my ways are never 1) what turns out to be best and 2) not at all what God had established. But then another thing always comes into view, that God's plans are always far better than I could ever have imagined. Even if they're difficult.

I never expected to be where I am in life right now. I never saw myself without the person I am now without. I never planned to visit doctors and have another surgery. I never expected to have the opportunity to start a small business with my best friends. I most certainly never expected to go to seminary. I never expected to not be able to drive myself there. I never expected the provisions and provisions that have occurred solely by the grace of God. I never expected the stirrings of my heart, slowly and gently, quietly and purposefully.

Do you ever feel a stirring in your heart? That was a nice transition wasn't it. It's like something only the Holy Spirit can do and penetrate. Sometimes it's a passion that is stirring or a calling to obedience. Or a calling to do something. Or maybe a decision that needs to be made. Or a reminder. But its something of significance that doesn't need dismissal or to be ignored. There have been things stirring inside of me, deep within, that I can't quite understand. There have, also, been passions or things that really mark significance for me penetrating my heart for reasons unexplanable. There have been some more heart aching decisions being made and steps of obedience having taken place that I'm still wrestling through. Am I being vague enough for you? :)

I just need to let all of this out to say that YES, its confusing. YES, it is frustating at times. YES, it is a strong reminder that I am placed on this earth for a specific reason. There is purpose for my life. There is purpose for the good and bad, joyful and ugly, and down right ridiculous parts of life. Even in the parts where life doesn't quite make sense but you know there's direction, God has control of it.

I cannot adequetlely put into words the way God has moved in this small, imputent life of mine. But He never ceases.

He never ceases.

Like I said before, I can try my hardest to plan my life out according to the way I would prefer. But if I'm not going in the direction God is leading me, yielding to my own idea of what's best, then I am completely missing out on what God has created me for.

I may get to points in my life where all I can see are the plans I have set before me, but I am so thankful that he places a big but in my way everytime.

'In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.'

-Proverbs 16:8