Friday, September 24, 2010

not held together by glue.

I have a confession to make.

There is something I love deeply that I don't think all of you know (or would even care to), but that's okay because I am about to tell you....right now.

I love gospel music. The sheer heart that is behind the music is one that is full, and joyful, and in constant awe of how great God really is. And who doesn't enjoy sharing in that. And then add a little upbeated-ness to the tempo doesn't hurt anyone.

There's a reason for this confession, but I will get back to that later.
There are some things happening in life right now that are really rocking my world. I won't bore you with too much detail but its something that has the potential to weaken the spirit, specifically mine. I am trying my best to keep my complaining to a minimum. 85/15.

85-keeping it to myself and 15- a complaining cathy.

I have a problem with my eye. It doesn't work the way it is supposed to. It never has. Which, in turn, causes me to see double at times. But after a surgery last December to straighten my straight-ahead vision, I gained some unwanted after effects. I won't ever be able to look to the left with my left eye (which is what I have always had), which is fine. But now I not only cannot look to the right with that same eye, I cannot look down as I could before either. or upward very much. So basically I have very limited vision. Everything else sees double.

And I'm going to take this time to be honest. This all comes down to a very frustrating day. Because your eyes are body parts that do not stop moving. ever. They're always active. And that is so annoying. You get to a point of the day when you think 'I'm so tired of this not working, I wish I could just make it work. so that maybe I could see straight, or it won't hurt all the time, or maybe I can look at something with ease, or so I can read for more than 30 minutes.'

Well now, by the grace of God, and a couple of amazing ophthalmologists (yes I had to look up how to spell that word), I have another opportunity to fix it, as much as it can be fixed. But that opportunity is a 2.5 hour flight from home and involves me making a yes or no decision. It also involves taking an exponential amount of time out of my parents' lives to help me in this.

So what will I do? Well. Right now, I will be on my knees praying about what I should do, praising the God who created me in such an intricate way, giving thanks that I have eyes to see, that I have feet that can walk. I thank God that He is constantly reminding me who He is. That He is powerful, that He knows my every move, that He is for me, that He will never forsake me in my weaknesses. Never.

I am His child. And I am fearfully and wonderfully made, even in the parts that don't seem like it. Psalm 139:14.
'Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. All fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future. Life is worth the living, just because He lives. This child can face uncertain days because He lives.'

That song I just roughly quoted is one that has come up on my Pandora, Gaither station, THREE times in one day. And if any of you know what Pandora is, you know that the likelihood of that actually happening is very rare. Because He lives is one song that has been a sustaining heartbeat to my joy the past week. It has been such a reminder.

Now we all understand why I was talking earlier and randomly about my love for gospel music.

On top of that, my newly 3 year-old niece brought over a picture that she made at school last week, and can we say GORGEOUS!

See. She came to our house with only one eye. By the time she made it to the fridge she didn't have any. What a crazy reminder that at least I have eyes that see, and aren't held together by glue, but by my Maker's hands.


Anonymous said...

you have a beautiful heart loren. your eyes will continue to be in my prayers. love you.

Anonymous said...

Sweetie - you are so blessed with a talent for writing. I miss you so much. Please know that I have all of my small group, my department here and others at FamilyLife are praying for you and your eyes. You are a strong young lady of testifying to God's love and faithfulness. Keep it up! Love you bunches and bunches - so proud of you!