so faithful. so constant.

I've been thinking a lot about where I am in life. what I'm doing. where everything is going. well that is something I simply cannot give a definitive answer to. I've just graduated from college. applying to graduate school. looking for a good job. getting certain things taken care of while putting all of it in the Lord's hands at the same time. its one thing to say that you're putting your trust in the Lord, and another thing to actually trust Him.

relationship-wise, to trust Him.

health-wise, to trust Him.

directional-wise, to trust Him.

heart-wise, to trust Him.

obedience-wise, to trust Him.

life-wise, to trust Him.

acceptance to grad school-wise, to trust Him.

healing-wise, to really trust Him.

knowing that He knows the plans He has for me & that I most certainly do not-wise, to really trust Him.

I feel as though somewhere in there, fear creeps up and consumes my whole being. and for some reason I cannot get away from it. it makes its way into every aspect of my life. because that is where i feel like i am at. the place of life where I don't know if I will be married or forever be single (to which I would be perfectly fine with either way). the place of life where I don't know where my life will go one way or the other, anything is possible. the place of life where I need to know whether or not God will repair, or allow me to appreciate the fact that I am healthy one way or another. the place of life where every aspect of life is in the process of being answered, but not quite yet. I can see God working, making ways, mending my heart, preparing. I can see it, but it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. I feel like that is just how He works best, at least in respect to my own life.

I need to remember that God does not work around my timing. He is the Maker of creation. I should be able to be okay with the way He works. And when the time comes where I can look back to this part of life and see just how He was making the way so perfectly, I will praise Him. As of now where things need to be mended, where answers would be appreciated, where things need healing, while I wait, I will praise Him. Because I am His child. I am His creation. and He cares for me.

If I didn't have an intimate relationship with the Lord right now, as some don't, I would have no IDEA what I would do with myself, where I would be at. I just used all capitals (of which that usually never happens) so you know that I am serious. So thank you Lord for protecting me, for leading me to make decisions, and being my Father, my Redeemer, my Healer. Gosh I know you hear me. I know that you are for me. I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness. You remind me who you are.

As I type I'm listening to one song over and over again. Feel free to click here to listen.

I would also like to apologize for the repetitive and random type of writing tonight, its just me typing out my thoughts as they are.

you just chose to read the whole thing, that was your decision. I hope it made sense.

are you happy?

I cannot, for the life of me, remember where I found this....it's so simple and logical.

for the most part.

just a late night thought. enjoy.

tennis tuesdays

chelsea, I borrowed that from you!

I played tennis tonight. I should really say 'played'...poorly. It was the first time and I just need to thank the three friends who walked me through it. My patient, encouraging, ridiculous and dear friends.

even with my poor communication, my not so good swing, and my lack of hustle. severe lack of hustle, i will admit that, I had so much fun with you.

I learned three things

- you have to shag. shag shag shag.

- you cannot swing your racket like in baseball. you cannot.

- you have to put your tennis balls in your shorts, skirt, whatever.

Tennis is fun. Its a workout for sure, but such a blast.

Now I am completely ready to shut my eyes. swinging ones arms and running around at night is kind of tiring. Or maybe I'm just not used to the activity. yes. I think that's it.

thought of the day

I think one lives just enough outside of town when one passes people on horses and gets stuck behind a tractor, all at one time.

That is all.

2.10 camp

This past week I was able to go to 2.10 student camp with 180 of the most loving and encouraging students. They made being an 'adult' so easy. I haven't been there since I was a student, which was only four years ago but has felt so long. Three of my close, dear friends were able to be there as well this week, which was just a joy.

2.10 camp is based off of the verse Ephesians 2:10, 'For we are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works which He has planned in advanced for us to live our lives doing'.

Camp. Its always a neat time to see God move and shape the lives of students in such a close-knit manner. But there was something different about this group of kids. Something more genuine. Being able to step back and watch them in worship and family talk time and rec, I noticed how different they seemed than any group I've ever been around, much more mentally focused on the Lord. The older ones love and own the responsibility they have to lead the younger ones. The younger ones are starting to realize their place in their youth group and how the even younger ones than they, are looking up to them even now. They lift each other up. They hold great expectations on one another. They worship freely and honestly. It blew me away. And to be able to take part in it with them was such a blessing.

Jaime, one of my dear friends, and I stayed in the 7th grade girls cabin all week. It was a reality check for my age. I never realized how fun it was to sit and listen to all the things middle school girls think and talk about. Apparently they have bucket lists, they have opinions about plastic surgery, they love their moms, and they really love have 'friend night' at camp with older boys.

One night, I came in a few minutes after they had all gone back to their cabins. I walked in to half of our 7th grade girls sitting atop their bunk beds holding hand and singing praises and praying for one another. It was one of the sweetest and most genuine moments I have ever witnessed. They were for real. They prayed with such fervor. And then they had finished, one of these sweet girls came up to jaime and I and said that we could both join them the next night when they do it again. And they were so very serious.

It was a wonderful week. All of the speakers did phenomenally and spoke to not only the students but the leaders as well. I was reminded of a lot of things this week, but one thing the most. I need to trust. I need to realize that the Creator of this universe has me where He wants me. In His hands. And that is just where I need to be. And that because of that, I don't need to be fearful about things in life. I just don't.

That is all I have for now, it is getting late and my eyes have announced that they are done working for the day.

handiwork

Here is a little peak into what I've been working on lately. They're just a few small ideas, nothing too exciting. But I enjoy trying my hand at new things. Sometimes they work out. And other times they really and truly do not.

{tin can re-do}

{still in progress}

{fabric and ribbon flowers}

{instead of spending money on a 'ribbon box', I made one out of this}

I feel like if I post things like this, it might help me to make more time for them. I feel like I always put them off.....procrastination is my middle name.

Bon Iver

Bon Iver, you have my heart. Or at least part of it.

This song itself carries quite a few memories, and love, and 75% of my time in college. So therefore, it gets part of my heart as well. Isn't it just so interesting how melodies and smells and such can carry and maintain such a strong emotion in oneself.

Warning to all. Before you watch this video (which I hope you do, but only if you want to) please know that the crowd shown is a little happy to be there. Some more than others. But I think they're just excited.

So if you need, just close your eyes or look away so you can enjoy it.

Now, if you actually watched that, enjoyed it. Here is one more for you that is really interesting. Its a cappella and sweet.

Enjoy the day!

One moment please.

My mind is a-blank.

It has been for a while. And I only blab out my thoughts to you three whole people when it's on my heart and I can't keep my thoughts in anymore. Believe me, there are plenty in this head of mine, but I feel as though its being kept in there to think on for a little longer....

Therefore, I leave you with this quote that I believe to be the sweetest and most to-the-point statement:

'No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.'

Name that movie...

Sleep sweetly.

Arkansas and then some

I'm sitting at the kitchen table wearing leggings and a long sleeved t. And I'm loving it. I don't care if it is summer. I'm at home for goodness sakes.

I just got back home yesterday from a girl trip to arkansas. Me, mom, oldest sister, and two little nieces. It was full of family time and rest. And being outside a little bit. Random, but did you know that it smells absolutely incredible at my grandparents house. Absolutely incredible. I can't even describe it but its unbelievable. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that a chunck of my childhood and memories are apart of that place. They have been talking about moving into town and that makes me sad. The land they live on will be sold at some point and they will probably move town-ward. town-ward isn't a word. anyways, I cherished more than usual that smell I love so much.

You're probably okay with me ending my shpeel about smells right about now.

Sometimes, when you spend a lengthy amount of time, like a five day trip, with little ones, you get to laugh quite a bit, and you get to hear some wonderfully matter-of-fact opinions, questions, answers, thoughts, etc. Here are a list of quotations from a somewhat rambunctious two and a half year old:

'i'm too scared to put my shoes on'

-------

'time out!' (to grandma)

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When asked her birthday she said, 'August ferd'

When asked how old she will be, 'Three and a half'

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Helping grandma drive down a very steep driveway, she started singing, 'Going down down down to the fire, the ring of fire'

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'How did you sleep mommy'

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'Mommy do you want a red hot'

'no thank you' 2.5 seconds later...

'Mommy do you want a red hot'

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When asked why she put a giant wad of cream on her chest she said, 'because I needed to get it off my hands'

When asked why she opened the cream and put it in her hands in the first place, 'i don't know'

(This happened again the next day)

We also got to enjoy renditions of johnny cash's other songs, as well as farmer in the dell, frosty the snowman, and a lot of take me out to the ball game.

It was a joy.