Settled.

This week has been a slow one. I finally sit now, in a dark hotel room, both of my unbelievably wonderful parents asleep, and me taking one last moment to rustle through my thoughts and heart before tomorrow.

Tomorrow (okay, technically today), I'm having my fourth surgery on my eye and it cannot come quickly enough. The past six months have been unbelievably challenging in every possible way (meaning physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually). And the last couple of weeks have very much left me, in a way, unsettled in heart and mind. The closer I got to packing my bag, the closer the reality of it all came welling up inside of me. While having my moments, I knew it would be okay. I've just been ready for it to be here.

Last night I went to my parent's house to spend the night and leave for the airport the next morning. The 24 hours before getting to that safe place we call home, I was quite unsettled. I was just begging for some peace while trying my best, even sometimes audibly, to remind myself and proclaim the truths about being a daughter of the King. When I got to the house and got out of my car, I was completely caught in an upward gaze. I felt so compelled to just stop and look at the beauty that rested above me. The night sky had this filtered/muted blue tone and was so full of bright stars and whispy clouds it was unbelievable. It was truly majestic.

I stood for just a moment and was reminded slowly but fully of one truth that is ever so foundational. God created the unfathomable mass of celestial creation as well as the rest of existence. He himself set those creations in place and has His mighty hand grasping full control over all of it (Job 38). And then I thought, that same Mighty hand has a full grasp and control over this body of mine (Psalm 139:10). Wow.


So with that came a peace that stilled my soul because of a perfect love from my Creator that cast out all of my fear  (1 John 4:18). And I could not be more thankful. Because of Christ, I have life. And because of Him, I can do nothing less than give Him my whole life (words reminded to by my sweet friend Mer).


So at this point, while always praying for healing, above all else, I am praying that His will be done. That no matter what happens, His will be done. Because I am always reminded and know that the best place I can be is in the center of His will. God knows what's best for me and loves me in a way far more than I will ever be able to grasp. This life is not about me and I'm thankful to simply have it. To have eyes that see and breath to breath.


I'm taking this one step at a time and literally one day at a time because frankly, I have not thought past Wednesday. I cannot take another moment without sharing with you a video that completely penetrated my heart a few months ago. Please take a few moments to watch this. It's a piece of a sermon by Louie Giglio explaining the phenomenal way nature sings praises in worship to our God (Psalm 148). And it will rock your world...in a good way.

Praise Him!

"Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,

Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,"

Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.

For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother's womb.

I will give thanks to You, for tI am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well."

Psalm 139:7-14