Thursday, February 24, 2011


I sit here completely unable to fathom why I haven't been around my blog in the past few weeks. I think life is catching up to me. And when that happens sometimes I have to prioritize, which is a good thing, of course.

Earlier this week we welcomed a sweet, little addition to our family. My nephew (oh that's strange to say) is the first little man of the family, and we are all so very excited to finally meet him.

I've been able to help around here and there with my nieces while my sister was busy having her baby. Watching these two girls (both under the age of 3 and a half) deal with their dad leaving for weeks, and figuring out why mom isn't home, is quite and experience to be apart of. Taking them to the hospital to meet their very own brother was one of the most priceless experiences I've ever been able to be apart of.

Pure excitement. Life changing in moments. Complete gentleness.

Then after a few minutes my oldest niece said, 'mom can I have a snack?'

It's been hard and still is for them. You see it in the way they talk and the different needs that change, like being held more or wanting to be completely independent. They might not completely grasp the great shifts in their family or know what will come of this new tiny person, but they adjust. And they turn out just fine. There might be moments where they need to cry or might act out of frustration or confusion, but they'll be okay. They are small but mighty. And with a little help from others who love them, they'll keep adjusting and then it will become more natural.

I'm so proud, just to watch the way they show complete trust and reliance in their parents. And let me tell you, these girls go through more changes and strange schedules and structure than most little girls. So it is even more incredible to watch them now, on top of everything else.

Talk about resiliency.
I think so much change and adjustment has happened lately in my own personal life that I've almost naturally stopped pursuing, stopped living life in the way I was before. Sometimes there are moments of weakness or frustration in every one's life when you almost make life come to a halt and think, 'I cannot adjust, I just can't find the means in myself to continue certain matters of life, I cannot do it'.

Sometimes I need to be still for a time, that's also just part of the type of person I am, I guess. And there are moments in life, especially now when I fight against frustrations, ignoring the completely unignorable (is that a word?), and try to continue with life. Being in seminary adds a whole other complexity and adjustment to this part of life. Its unreal and completely wonderful to be there but sometimes I question my abilities.

Then I get knocked back down to my knees in prayer and am reminded that I didn't get myself there, I didn't even have going there on my radar months before I pursued it. But it happened and is wonderful and a complete blessing. I could not be more thankful.

Sometimes there are things unexpected that happen without real preparation of the heart. Those things are always such bitter yet sweet things. They hurt, literally and emotionally, but they remind you of how little you are compared to the Father, who actually heals those hurts. These things can also compromise other parts of your life, rendering you unwillingly dependent at times. But they only last for a moment, they only last for a moment.

These moments in life, moments of adjusting to newness and change, can naturally have its frustrations. And not knowing what lies ahead of them is, for me, more nerve-wrecking than anything else. But then I'm reminded again that, that's actually the point. While I can't see what lies ahead, I pursue with blind faith that my God, who sees and knows absolutely everything, cares for me and is leading me.

I just hope that I will be obedient no matter what's required of me or the circumstance.

And I hope to be as resilient and patient as my little nieces.

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