Perfectly Imperfect

I've been thinking a lot lately. I have a lot of time to think, so my mind runs rampant. I could sit and list off 100+ daily things or activities that I cannot do. I could tell you how much and often it makes me cry and how often I have to tell someone "no" when they invite me to something. I could tell you all about what the inside of my heart feels when my body tells me "you're done" and what happens when I ignore that warning.

Over the past 3 years and 5 surgeries later, I could also tell you the way these surgeries effect the depth of my heart and my sense of self-worth.

Life is different for the time being and it has been for a while. While not being able to do the things of life I'm used to and replacing those with limitations, it has hurt the very deep places of my heart. One day, I decided to look up the definition of limitation and found this:

When I had seen this, which was a couple months ago, it represented the state I was in exactly. And while those limitations overshadow and become more intrusive, I have one thing that is steadfast and remains true no matter what I am experiencing:

The fact that I am a daughter of the King. Of the one, true God. The God who created me, knew me, knit me together before I was ever shown to anyone else (Psalm 139:13). And the way He made me, even in the so-called imperfections, are perfectly imperfect. And I can say with full and complete honesty, even with tears burning in my eyes, and in the midst of the most profoundly difficult place of life I have ever been, that I wouldn't want my body any other way because I KNOW that God has me in His hands and made and allowed my body to be this way for a very specific (and completely not understood) reason.

God places us on this earth and gives us life because He has a very specific purpose for our lives. Each one of us are here for very different reasons and each one of us are loved by God in a way we will never be able to fathom or fully grasp. I am so thankful for that simple truth that is the basis for life and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Knowing the state of my heart and life, I absolutely would not know how I would be able to deal with this without knowing Christ as my Lord and Savior. I wouldn't.

I'm trying my best this time around to keep in mind these things:
 - to not always be a hero
 - to ask when I need help
 - to know my limitations and live accordingly
 - to keep goals and do things that bring joy
 - to hold tightly to that everlasting joy that only God can provide and that never truly goes away
 - keeping in mind that this is only for a time because healing is in His hands, not mine.
 - to always be grateful for the people He places in my life and who love me so much.

On a side note, I typed this post almost completely with my eyes closed. Finally, my keyboarding class from high school has finally come in handy!